Monday, May 17, 2010

Rendezvous then im through with you...

I can go days without thinking of my ex but then some little thing will set a memory off. We try to hang out as friends. I try my hardest to ignore just how badly i still want him. We do good for a bit. Then maybe i say something i shouldn't. Or he touches my arm. Then we fall back into each other because we are too comfortable. Sometimes i see it as him testing me. Seeing if i have the power to refuse him. I never do. I try to enjoy it and live in the moment. Like soon he might have another girl but right this instant he's still mine. But yet he's not mine anymore. Gah it's so confusing. Somedays im okay with it all but somedays i feel used. Old habits are hard to break i guess.
To make things more difficult, i am best friends with his brother. So even when i try not to think about him, his name comes up all the time.
I don't want him out of life though. He's the one person i can be completely open and unguarded around. I'm scared of losing the person i was when i was around him.
I've been distracting myself. I watch tons of DVD's, i read alot. I started to learn how to cross-stitch. All in an attempt to forget my feelings. Somedays they haunt me more than others. Now if only this needle could stitch up my heart.

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