Wednesday, June 16, 2010

What's In My Purse

I've seen a few bloggers do this so I thought I'd join in.

I love my David Bowie purse! I bought it last summer at a music festival and i was so excited. I love Bowie :D
I have my new Nintendo wallet. Im a big gamer so i literally squealed with joy when i saw it in the store. I needed a new wallet anyway. Then i have my Blackberry phone that is always wherever I am. I have my cigarette case and a lighter for the occasional smoke with my friend. Then i have my little container of Tums. I have a fear of being sick, feeling nauseous and throwing up. So its just a comfort thing to have them with me. I'm weird.
I have a rollon perfume called Japanese Cherry Blossom from Bath and Body Works. It smells incredible!
Finally I have my MAC Lipglass in Delight. I love anything MAC... when i can afford it. It's a luxury of mine.
Speaking of luxury... here was the manicure i had today. It was my first time having professional fake nails put on. Definitely worth the 20 dollars. Now i'm busy trying to adapt to them. I usually keep my nails really short. Typing is proving to be a bit of a challenge. All i hear is click click click...
Tomorrow i leave for Indiana for the weekend. So excited! i need to finish packing though. Once again i hope i can sleep early. Last night as soon as i laid down i got ideas for some poems. They kept bugging me so i had to get up and write them down. Maybe once i put the finishing touches on them i'll post them here.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


My best friend is visiting from out of town and i'm so happy! I get to go back home with her and stay for a week. Definitely what i need at the moment.
We have been staying up til 5 in the morning watching movies and talking. Also some midnight runs to the grocery store for snacks.
i can go months and years without seeing her but as soon as we get together it's like no time has passed.
I had one final night with my ex. We both agreed it was the end and it was amazing. Couldn't have asked for a better last memory. We just laid in the dark and talked for an hour. It felt so natural and like we were back to truly being just friends and we were comfortable with it. I feel at peace and like i had closure. Then on the way home we stopped for ice cream. We sat outside in the warm summer night and ate it. It was perfect.
Tomorrow i have a girls day with my friends. Total girls day. Getting our nails done, going shopping, and mini golfing. I'll try to take some pictures to post here.
There's a contest to win some beautiful rings here.
Well i'm off to get some rest hopefully for tomorrow. That's doubtful though because i just made some coffee and plan to organize my computer files.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?

I thought working with my ex would be awkward and apparently so did he because he made it so he would come into work as i left. The one time our shifts overlapped for a half hour he spent that time texting and ignoring me. i possibly wouldn't have minded it but the day before that he decided we should take advantage of him having the house to himself. I'm just so tired of being used and of allowing myself to be. I was okay with the "friends with benefits" thing but then he doesn't treat me like a friend after. When i asked him to hang out the next day he said he felt like i was trying to make it like we were dating again. So what? We get together once a month for the "benefits" and then not see each other for weeks? No thanks. Now i just need willpower to say no.

Tonight, after not texting for 4 days, he texted and asked if i was mad at him yet for not texting me lately. i told him no because honestly i don't even care anymore. It makes me mad that he does things purposely to hurt me. Even if he cared for me just as a friend he shouldn't want to do things to upset me right? I mostly just wish he was a better person than he really is. It's hard coming to grips with the fact that i fell for someone who never really appreciated or wanted me. i gave him all of me and i got screwed in every sense of the word.

We texted for a while and we are stopping the "friends with benefits" thing. Now he says seeing me is too much temptation. Then he let it slide that he's going to Germany in a couple weeks. He'll be gone a month. Part of me knows it'll be good to have him completely gone for a while but then part of me knows i'll be worrying about him over there partying and meeting strange girls. I'm making a vow that from now on my blogs will be more postive. I'm willing myself to be done and over all this pain. it's not fair for me to be hurting when he obviously isn't. I decided to shower to make myself feel better. then i remembered i bought the same shampoo he uses because i like how his hair smells. Needless to say the shower was spent with me crying :( I'll be buying new shampoo tomorrow.
This is the kind of love I want...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

"Collect the moments one by one, That is how the future's done..."

Summer is finally here. The weather has been beautiful and sunny. I've spent entire days outside reading. My favorite thing to do in summer is put on my shorts and walk around the house while listening to music. For some reason wearing shorts makes me feel carefree and confident.
Last week I went with some friends to the midnight premire of the Prince of Persia. My ex decided to join us. I was fine with it. Sometimes it's not fair though. Like when we arrived i could tell he had just showered and he smelled really good. It's such torture really. Then at the theater there weren't enough seats in a row so we had to split up. We sat in seperate rows and he didn't seem to mind. Before the movie started i needed to take a breather. At that moment it all seemed to pile on me. The fact we were sitting in the same room but not together. It was the first time we have seen a movie and not sat together. I got up and left the room. I was heading to the bathroom to be alone for a few minutes and just as i turned the corner i saw this :
I've been a casual fan of Sex in the City for awhile. I own a couple seasons and i'm just starting to watch them. Its strange but i'm 25 and my mom still doesn't think i'm old enough to watch them. LOL. i had to buy the dvds in secret. Seeing the poster was kind of like seeing a picture of Audrey Hepburn. The way SJP is just marching towards her future with not fear and total confidence and poise. I told myself "i can do that too." It was really what i needed at that moment. So i bought a bottle of water and settled back in to watch the movie. "Carrie On" indeed.
Being able to stare at Jake Gyllanhall for a couple hours didn't hurt either :P
The next day i went with a few girlfriends to see the Sex in the City movie. It wasn't too great plot wise. The clothes were amazing though. I think what i love about Sex in the City is the friendship the women have. They get together for lunches and always talk so candidly about their lives and love. Just recently I've re-established an old friendship and i've found i can really open up with her again. It feels nice. We have shared some same experiences guy-wise and it feels helpful to know the things i've done aren't shameful or as big mistakes as i first thought.
Other than that i've just been working alot. There is a guy that comes into the restaurant that i work at quite frequently. I haven't really had the chance to talk to him but i've looked quite enough :) Actually my guy friend was who pointed him out to me. He always told me he (the guy) resembled Edward from Twilight. He kindof does too but not too much. Now i have been dared to ask him if he is single. But now my guy friend (my ex's brother) is out of town so i have to work alot more. Also i have to work side by side with my ex... for 7 hours a day. this should be interesting.