Sunday, May 30, 2010


All I've been doing this past week is working and hanging out with friends. Saw a few movies. I'll write a blog on Monday I promise. The weather is finally warm here so I've been hanging outside alot. Not my natural habitat:) I much prefer a cozy basement. I'm that kind of nerd.

Friday, May 21, 2010


I feel so scatterbrained lately. Feel like i have so much to do but then i procrastinate and accomplish nothing. I jump from project to project and never finish. Well I'm going to get down to business tonight for sure. Just brewed a fresh pot of coffee and am settling down to write some in my journal. Sometime in the upcoming week i plan on designing a better header for this blog. other things on my to do list are...
  • watch dvds that are borrowed from friends
  • read books borrowed from friends
  • clean room
  • work on my Blythe doll's hair
  • write in my five year journal and daily journal
  • make an exercise playlist on my Zune and start working out

Day Five: Favorite food

My favorite food is sushi. I like trying new kinds. I've been lucky enough not to have had "bad" sushi. Everytime i try a new one im a little scared of food poisoning. I just learned that the spicyness of wasabi actually kills some of the bacteria. I just love how fresh and light sushi tastes. It seems like a small meal but is actually quite filling. Plus i think each piece looks like a work of art. So colorful and neat.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Day Four: Favorite Book

My favorite book is Catcher in the Rye. I read it first as a teenager and didn't understand it at all. In fact i hated it. I thought it made no sense.
But then years later i reread it and loved it. When i first read it i was naive about things. After Semptember 11th happened i sunk into a depression. I was 16. I asked my parents questions about things like "would that happen near us?" and they answered "we don't know." After that day the world no longer felt safe and my parents didn't have all the answers i thought they did. I became disenchanted. At that point i reread the book and i related to Holden. I reread it ever couple of years and i always seem to find some new passage to love or a part that speaks to me differently than before.

I'm a day behind on my blog. I got sidetracked by LOST last night. Spent the night reading blogs and cross-stitching. Then today i got into a mood that made me miss my ex terribly. Somedays are worse than others. it's been a month already. Why can't i be over this?
I try to listen to upbeat songs. It feels more like im trying to brainwash myself into being fine.

Monday, May 17, 2010

How I spent my weekend

  • Started this blog
  • Had a sore throat that turned into a cold.
  • Got hooked on a book series called Pretty Little Liars
  • bought a variety pack of 15 muffins (yum :p)
  • worked a couple days (one 12-hour day)
  • Discovered Regina Spektor
  • Bought a lotto ticket with the LOST numbers (4,8,15,16,23,42)
  • introduced my 6yr old niece to Where's Waldo, and now she finds him faster than i do
  • drank a pina colada, tecate beer, and a Heineken (all in one night)
  • had a great conversation
  • bought a PSP
  • missed someone

Rendezvous then im through with you...

I can go days without thinking of my ex but then some little thing will set a memory off. We try to hang out as friends. I try my hardest to ignore just how badly i still want him. We do good for a bit. Then maybe i say something i shouldn't. Or he touches my arm. Then we fall back into each other because we are too comfortable. Sometimes i see it as him testing me. Seeing if i have the power to refuse him. I never do. I try to enjoy it and live in the moment. Like soon he might have another girl but right this instant he's still mine. But yet he's not mine anymore. Gah it's so confusing. Somedays im okay with it all but somedays i feel used. Old habits are hard to break i guess.
To make things more difficult, i am best friends with his brother. So even when i try not to think about him, his name comes up all the time.
I don't want him out of life though. He's the one person i can be completely open and unguarded around. I'm scared of losing the person i was when i was around him.
I've been distracting myself. I watch tons of DVD's, i read alot. I started to learn how to cross-stitch. All in an attempt to forget my feelings. Somedays they haunt me more than others. Now if only this needle could stitch up my heart.

Day Three: Favorite Musician

My freshmen year of High school i discovered a band called Blink-182. They have changed my life so much. They were my first concert, i don't count Backstreet Boys.
Each of their cds reminds me of certain times in my life. The songs weren't the most serious or life changing. They were fun and often immature.
A few years ago i was in a car accident with my friends. It was raining and dark. We were all scared and sitting in the back of the police car waiting for a ride. The police car sounds bad. We weren't in trouble, just staying out of the rain.
He tried to make conversation and asked what we had bought at the mall we had been coming from. I mentioned a cd and he asked if i liked Blink. I said i loved them. He then put them on his stereo and it brought me to tears.
My favorite memeber, and musician, is Tom Delonge. He is one of my role models. After the breakup of Blink 182 and formed a band called Angels and Airwaves. The songs all have inspirational meanings. He has matured and so has his music. His lyrics always give me hope in my lowest moods.
Two years ago i actually got to meet him. I was so starstruck. i was talking so fast, telling him he's my hero and how his songs mean a lot to me. He had to keep walking because his guards were pushing him but he stopped and took my camera and took our picture. Thank god i have the picture because sometimes it doesn't feel real, like i really met him. By far one of the best days of my life.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Day Two: Favorite Movie

Hmmm once again i have a few favorites.
If i know a movie is based on a book i try to read the book first. It had always been a goal of mine to read Gone With the Wind. Im not scared of large novels, i absolutely love them. I devoured Gone With the Wind. I read it whenever i gt the chance. The written language sounds more sophisicated than it is now adays. The movie is long, like 4 or 6 hours, i can't remember which. Its amazing though. To see what Scarlett goes through in her life and she always fights to remain strong. Not to mention how handsome Clark Gable is in it.
But on a rainy, gloomy day, i love to watch Across the Universe. It's a musical set to Beatles music. It's interesting to see how the director created a story using characters and interpretations of the songs. The actors sing the songs so well. Sometimes i put the dvd in like i would a much loved cd and use it for background noise.
Another movie that puts me in a good mood is Gardenstate. Zach Braff from the show Scrubs, wrote, directed, and starred in it. Its a movie i fully relate to. It's quirky but loveable. I take quotes from the movie and write them in various journals i have.
Some comedy's i love are Superbad, Zoolander,Waitress, Hot Tub Time Machine, The House Bunny and Bring it On.
Other movies are 500 Days of Summer, The Breakfast Club, Ghostworld, The Ring, The Lost Boys, Edward Sissorhands, Fight Club, Big, Star Wars, and Star Trek.
I have a weakness for musicals. As i already mentioned Across the Universe is my absolute favorite but i also love Moulin Rouge. Ewan McGregor is gorgeous in it.
He's so talented, i melt whenever he sings "Your Song." The way he looks at Satine in the movie, with so much love, is how i want a guy to look at me someday. He sees so much goodness in her that she didn't see in herself i think. It's one of my favorite love storys.
I can't conclude this blog without mentioning Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long blog. I'm going to consider it a "movie" now that it's been released on dvd. It started as just a webisode created by Joss Whedon starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion. If you love Joss Whedon (he created Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Dollhouse...) then it's a must see. My friends and i quote and sing the songs all the time. and i mean ALL THE TIME!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Day One: Favorite Actor

Im copying BM's blog and stealing her list of 30 Days of blog topics. Since I'm new to this i figure i can use it to help introduce myself.
So here goes...
It's hard to list just one actor. I have so many that i love for different reasons and depending on different moods.
I love John Cusack. He's from Chicago suburbs like i am. I love his 80's movies. I dream of the day a man holds a radio outside my window like he did in Say Anything... such an iconic film moment.
I adore Tom Hanks. How could anyone hate him? He's adorable in BIG which is one of my favorite movies. He's so cute and innocent in it. Just want to hug him.
When i need a laugh i know i can count on Jason Segel. And i also always laugh at John Ritter in Three's Company. I love watching old episodes at 3am. As soon as i hear the theme song i feel safe and comfortable. And i hum along...
As far as crushes go i am smitten with Chris Pine. He's one guy i would refer to as "yummy:)"
Also i talk alot about Nathan Fillion from Firefly. I love sci-fi and i love his sarcasm. My friend got me an autographed picture of him for my birthday and i nearly peed my pants.
Lastly, his career was cut tragically short, James Dean. The few movies he was in were brilliant. My all time favorite is East of Eden. The way he portrayed his character gives it so much heart. It brought me to tears.Actresses i love are strong women. I admire Drew Berrymore. I believe she's truly beautiful inside and out. She's made mistakes but she's always seemed to learn from them and move on. She's so postive.
I admire Ellen Page. I think she's a comidic genius. She can say the funniest lines and not crack a smile. She's so talented. Juno and Whip It are amazing because of her.
I love Roseanne Barr. I spend hours a night watching Roseanne reruns on late night tv. She's unafraid to speak her mind and be bithcy.
Lastly, in this past year i finally watched Breakfast at Tiffany's and i realized why people are so taken with Audrey Hepburn. She's so classy and dignified. I wish i had her grace.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Hi :)

I am an impulsive nightowl. I've been lurking around blogspot and finally decided to make one. At midnight.
The title of my blog translates to "to the stars the hard way." it's from a science fiction story i recently read. To me it means dreams are great but you have to be willing to put in the effort. Something i've been lacking lately.

I try to keep a daily journal but it causes more stress than anything. I worry too much about it. I worry about writing everyday, worry about my handwriting appearing somewhat legible, writing out everything i want to say is time consuming. I fall days behind and obsess with getting caught up. Currently i am 3 months behind.
The thing with me is i go weeks with nothing interesting to write and then when stuff finally happens i don't have time to write them down.
For example:
I was recently in a relationship. I regret not writing about it at the moment it was happening. I have really great memories and things i want to always remember. But now i'm brokenhearted and the last thing i want to do is write them down. I know in future days i want to look back on all the great stuff, its just too painful right now.
He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first valentine... my first everything pretty much. Sure i've gone on dates here and there but not too many second dates. I'm 25. One day my guy friend and i just decided to "practice" kissing. its funny because i was the one who said no feelings would be invovled. i didn't realize at the moment it was me who was scared of falling. Boy did i fall. he just wasn't ready to catch me.

im busy sorting out my feelings still. I want him in my life since we were friends before. i've never been so close with someone before and im terrified of not even being able to handle myself around him. Yet it would kill me to see him with another girl.

i know i'm not the first to go through it, and i won't be the last, but it still hurts. Music helps but sometimes the songs hit too close to home and i just crumble to my knees. i hate that he has that affect on me. i hate that he's already ready to move on.
After 6 months together he told me he didn't have feelings for me. he never lied to me though. he always said it "wouldn't be serious." I was a stupid girl who thought he would change his mind. Basically the story of 500 Days of Summer just the roles are reversed.
I gave him everything.
I asked him if i could have an old shirt of his. First he said okay. Now he says no because he feels weird since he dumped me. i still want it for memory's sake. I keep everything. I save movie tickets, fortune cookie slips, birthday cards. i like having tangible keepsakes. Maybe he's right. I basically just want the shirt so i could smell him still.

I don't know what i want this blog to be. I'll add pictures some day soon. I just pretty much need a place to vent.
Sometimes i would open a random blog and find a comforting quote or picture and it would inspire me. Other times i would find someone talking and relate to them. If someone stumbles upon this then that would be pretty great.
I guess that's enough for tonight. The rest of my night will be spent on LOST related websites. I'm pretty much really nerdy and i have been obsessed with the show since the beginning. Can't believe it will all be ending next weekend.